"It will never be what it was before - but nothing is ever what it was before. It doesn't -need- to be what it was before... Everything here is on the way. Everything here is in process." - The Story of B


The beginning/ending of things... change... always makes you think about life. I'm coming up on one of those changes, and in the process of mentally preparing myself for it, reflecting.

I'm not sure when it started, but at some point in my life I started saying and believing that love really is all you need. It sounds cliche and simple, and because of that, possibly insincere and scripted... but it's just so simply and beautifully true. Before I left for Korea, the woman who recruited me said that all I needed to be sucessful with my job was to love the students. That's it - just love them, and the rest would work itself out. So that's what I set out to do, and I think I've done a pretty good job.

It seems so easy. Love is all you need? Cool. It really takes all of the guess work out of your life. At any given point, for any given problem, the obvious choice is right in front of you. Indeed, "Love is the only rational act", as Tuesday's With Morrie points out.

But sometimes, for me, it's just not that easy to show...

*******

I've spent the last year of my life with my two co-workers/neighbors/friends Kelly and Britani. On average, I see them at least 5 days a week, 50 hours a week. Often, we hang out in each other's rooms, hang out with other people together, travel together... we do everything together short of bathing.

But now I have less than 2 weeks left in Korea with them. And as I thought about that this evening, two things came to mind. 1) That sucks, and 2) I want a hug.

So I decided that I'd go get a hug from them while I still can. Hell - they're right next door. All I have to do is step outside, knock, and BAM. Hug time. Simple as that.

I get up, put my sweatshirt on, fumble around for my slippers, and take a step towards my door. But then I stop.

My heart starts beating faster, and I can feel it pounding in my chest. I turn around, embarassed, by myself, in my own room, and go to look for my cell phone - pretending that I'm curious about what time it is.

And then it hit me: That's REALLY weird... Why such a dramatic, nervous response?

If am close enough with these two people to share a room while traveling and talk about bowel movements, why the hell was I scared to ask for a hug?? After all, in 2 weeks I'm not going to be able to do that anymore.

So what was the problem? If love is all I need, why was it so hard to show tonight? I have no idea. I know the issue lies somewhere inside me. And at least I recognize my response now. That's the first step, right? Recognition?

In the end, I did go get my hugs. For Kelly, since she was the first, I was a little stiff... so I guess I'll just have to keep practicing. But I think Britani's was well timed (is there ever a poorly timed hug?) because she had been watching Steele Magnolias and answered the door crying.

Oh well, it just struck me as odd... and I wanted to write it down to help me process my thoughts and remember that it happened. Hooray for change bringing about self-awareness, and hooray for self-awareness bringing about change. And hooray for hugs. (: